When Mother’s Day Is Hard: Honoring Complexity on a Tender Day from an LDS Trauma Therapist Atlanta
As Mother’s Day approaches, the air feels different. While some may be preparing gifts and tributes for the women who raised them, others are bracing themselves for a quiet grief that rarely gets named. As a trauma therapist in Atlanta, I have seen how Mother's Day can create a rainbow of emotions and some of them are not so pretty.
If you grew up with a mom who was emotionally unavailable, critical, harsh, or neglectful, this day can feel confusing and lonely. Perhaps you feel the weight of your own imperfections, or maybe the only thing that fills your arms is the heartache you feel over the child you never had through no fault of your own. You may find yourself scrolling past glowing tributes that don’t reflect your truth. You might sit through a church service where motherhood is praised as the highest divine role and wonder what that means for you, someone who feels different than what you hear over the pulpit.
As a trauma therapist in Atlanta and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I often hear from women who feel torn between honoring the idea of motherhood and grieving the mother they needed but never had. The voices of those whose dreams never came to be are not the ones I most often hear, but they are an important part of the complex tide of emotions that a day like Mother’s Day can stir. This dissonance is heavy, and it can leave you feeling invisible in a community that emphasizes love, family, and belonging.
If Mother’s Day brings a tangle of emotions you don’t quite know how to name—anger, sadness, guilt, emptiness—please know you’re not alone. This blog is for you.
When Your Mother Wasn't Who You Needed
For those whose mothers were abusive, neglectful, or emotionally unavailable, Mother’s Day can stir up a deep, aching grief. Not for someone who has passed—but for someone who was never really there in the way you needed her to be.
You may find yourself sitting in silence, wondering why everyone else seems to have had a nurturing, safe “angel mother,” while your own memories are filled with distance, criticism, anger, volatility, or silence. You might feel anger bubble up or guilt for not feeling what you’re told a daughter should feel. And underneath all of that might be a quiet, unspoken question: Why wasn’t I worth protecting?
This ache—the longing to be seen, soothed, and supported by the person who was supposed to love you first and most—is real. It's a kind of grief that doesn’t always have a name. It's not just about the past, either. It can affect how safe you feel in relationships today, how worthy of love you believe you are, or how you speak to yourself when you're struggling.
I often sit with women who carry this invisible pain. They try to talk themselves out of it—“She did her best,” “That was a long time ago,”—but the body remembers. And so does the heart.
When Mother’s Day Reminds You of What’s Missing
Mother’s Day can also be tender for women whose lives don’t fit the “ideal.” If you long for children who never came, whether due to infertility, singleness, or circumstances beyond your control, you may feel invisible on a day so centered around motherhood. If your own mother has died, or you’ve lost a child through miscarriage, death, or painful estrangement, the celebration around you may deepen a grief that others can’t see. Even physical distance—having your mother or children far away—can make the day feel hollow, amplifying loneliness and the ache of what’s missing. The emphasis on celebrating mothers publicly, through talks, songs, and gifts, can leave some women feeling unseen, disconnected, or even ashamed. No matter the reason, your pain is real, and it deserves tenderness, not dismissal.
Holding Both Pain and Meaning
If Mother’s Day feels heavy for you, for any of the reasons I’ve mentioned, I invite you to consider a different way of approaching the day—one that makes space for your pain without asking you to push it aside. What if the ache you carry could sit gently beside moments of soothing peace? What if both things could be true at once?
There are women in the scriptures—like Eve, Mary, the mother of Jesus and Pharaoh’s daughter—who knew complexity, sacrifice, and sorrow. You’re not alone in what you feel. And maybe, just maybe, peace and pain don’t have to cancel each other out. What if you could let the longing live while still noticing the light in someone else’s joy?
This isn’t about dismissing your grief or forcing a smile. It’s about softening the edges of pain by letting it share space with compassion for yourself and others. Sometimes, when we stop fighting the ache and allow it to coexist with meaning, it loses its intensity.
Holy Women, Human Pain: Finding Yourself in Their Stories
Church is meant to be a place where we come to feel nourished by the hope and healing of the gospel, not weighed down by the circumstances of our lives. And yet, for many, Mother’s Day has quietly become one of the hardest Sundays of the year. I find myself wondering what might shift if we looked more closely at the mothers in the scriptures and how their lives have impacted ours. Their stories aren’t simple or perfect. They’re layered, brave, and full of complexity, just like so many of ours.
Their stories don’t erase the pain you feel, but they offer a kind of companionship in it. Their experiences might speak to yours.
Eve: A Story of Courageous Sacrifice
Eve began her story in paradise, a place where things were calm, peaceful, and serene. And yet, she chose to step into a world of sorrow and toil so that the rest of us could be. That choice wasn’t selfish or sinful; it was bold, selfless, and deeply maternal. In choosing knowledge, mortality, and grief, Eve embraced a divine role that came with complexity and pain.
Her story reminds us that motherhood often requires sacrifice. Not all women become mothers the same way, and not all nurturing looks like raising children. But like Eve, many of us make difficult, courageous decisions in the name of love. If you’ve ever chosen a harder path for the sake of someone else, if you’ve carried grief quietly so others could thrive, Eve’s story honors your strength. Her legacy says you’re not failing—you’re faithful.
Mary, Mother of Jesus: A Life of Sacred Uncertainty
Mary’s story is often told with reverence and awe, as it should be. She was chosen to raise the Son of God. But behind that sacred calling was a very human woman who likely carried confusion, uncertainty, and a quiet ache. How do you mother someone so divine?
Mothering Jesus must have been lonely at times. Perhaps others didn’t understand Him, or her. Maybe she questioned her own adequacy, her instincts, and her place in such an extraordinary plan. And still, she showed up with quiet devotion, bearing the weight of a sacred role without all the answers. Mary’s story speaks to anyone who has felt alone or misunderstood in their role as a mother.
Mothering Beyond Biology: The Compassion of Pharaoh’s Daughter
Pharaoh’s daughter offers us a quiet but powerful image of mothering beyond biology. She opened her heart and home to a child who was not her own, choosing to love and protect Moses when his birth mother had to make a difficult choice. Her decision reminds us that motherhood is often less about genetics and more about compassion, courage, and presence.
In our own lives, we are surrounded by opportunities to nurture, uplift, and care for others, whether or not we have children of our own. Like Pharaoh’s daughter, we can become a safe harbor for those who need love, offering a kind of mothering that reaches far beyond family lines.
The Sacred Strength of Womanhood
These stories reflect the truth that motherhood isn’t always clear or celebrated. Sometimes it’s full of paradox: joy and sorrow, trust and doubt, sacrifice and grace. But these qualities, along with love, boldness, suffering, courage, compassion, selflessness, and showing up when it’s hard, aren’t reserved just for mothers. They are the heart of womanhood! These are the ways women shape the world around them, whether or not they are raising children. Which of these do you see in yourself?
What to Do If Mother’s Day Is Hard for You
Give yourself permission not to pretend.
You don’t have to paste on a smile or show up in ways that don’t feel true. If this day brings up sorrow, longing, or frustration, let it. You don’t owe anyone performative happiness. Your feelings are real, and they’re worthy of compassion.
Take time to name your losses and honor the tenderness they bring. Whether through journaling, prayer, temple attendance, or confiding in a trusted friend or therapist. Finding connections between the women in the scriptures and your own story can be deeply healing.
If your heart aches because your mother or children are no longer here, or live far away, you’re not alone. Writing out a favorite memory or listing the qualities you loved in them can offer comfort. You might even notice some of those same qualities living quietly in you, softening the sorrow with a gentle sense of connection.
And remember, motherhood is not the only way to be nurturing. You may never have raised children, or perhaps you have, but womanhood is wide and powerful. There is beauty in the everyday ways you offer care, empathy, and wisdom to others.
Let this day, even if it’s painful, remind you that your worth does not depend on a single role. You are enough, not because of how others see you, but because of who you are.
You Are Seen—Just As You Are
If Mother’s Day feels raw, please know you're not alone. Whether you're grieving, longing, remembering, or simply enduring, may you feel the quiet strength of being seen by the One who understands it all. You are loved. You are needed. And you belong here exactly as you are.
If you’re in Georgia and need support or help sorting through your feelings, you can reach me here.
Kristy Brewer is a therapist Atlanta offering online therapy in Georgia helping people find peace amidst the chaos. Her specialties include trauma therapy, attachment therapy for trauma within toxic relationships, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, and parents raising a traumatized child.
Kristy is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and helps people navigate how trauma, difficult relationships, depression, and anxiety can muddy spirituality. However, you don’t need to share her faith to work with her.
Request a free 15-minute phone consultation today by clicking here.
