Being a Trauma Therapist Doesn’t Mean I’m Immune to the Mess
When you’re used to seeing your therapist as the calm in your storm, it’s easy to imagine they go home to serene homes, perfect relationships, and fresh sourdough on the counter. As a trauma therapist in Atlanta, I run into those who believe therapists never get overwhelmed and that our lives are so peaceful.
But here’s the truth most people don’t talk about: therapists are real humans. We spill water on our shirts. We forget appointments. We have arguments with our partners and question ourselves late at night. Some days we’re doing deep breathing between sessions because we, too, are carrying things that feel heavy.
And yet—this messiness doesn’t disqualify us from doing the work. In fact, it’s often what makes us good at it. Because the truth is, many trauma therapists have had to walk through fire themselves. We’re not immune to pain—we’ve just chosen to face it, learn from it, and hold space for others as they do the same.
We’re Not Superhuman—We’re Healing Humans
The idea that therapists have it all figured out is comforting… until it becomes alienating. It can create a silent wall between therapist and client: If you’ve never been through what I’ve been through, how can you really understand?
But here’s what many don’t realize: a large number of trauma therapists are wounded healers. That doesn’t mean we haven’t done our work—it means our work began from a place of knowing suffering firsthand.
Some of us became therapists after navigating childhood trauma, surviving loss, or rebuilding our lives after divorce. We’ve cried in therapy ourselves. We’ve felt stuck, overwhelmed, anxious, and not enough. And just like you, we’ve had to make sense of our pain and learn how to live with it.
That lived experience shapes how we sit with you. It gives us more than tools and techniques—it gives us heart, empathy, and the ability to sit with your story without fear.
Behind the Therapist Chair: We’re Still People
It’s not uncommon for therapists to leave a session, walk into their own kitchen, and be greeted by chaos. We have kids who throw tantrums. Laundry piles. Grief anniversaries. Dinner that’s still frozen solid at 6:45 p.m.
We argue with our spouses. We forget birthdays. We have days when we doubt whether we’re helping anyone at all. Some of us are navigating illness, aging parents, or financial stress.
And yet—through it all—we’re still showing up. Not because we’re perfect, but because we’ve learned how to stay grounded in the storm. We’ve learned how to anchor ourselves, even in the middle of messy days, so that we can hold sacred space for your pain without making it about ours.
Yes, we may be the calm in your storm during your session, but outside of that hour, we’re doing our own emotional housekeeping too. We are cultivating enough self-awareness and support that we can care for others without abandoning ourselves. And when we need help, we reach for it, just like we encourage you to. Sometimes with the help of our own therapists.
Because here's a truth worth remembering: needing support doesn’t make you weak—it makes you real. And that applies to therapists, too.
The Mess Doesn’t Make Us Less Qualified—It Makes Us More Human
There’s this myth floating around that therapists should have it all figured out. That we’ve somehow mastered the emotional game of life, complete with spotless coping skills, flawless relationships, and a spiritual practice that includes daily journaling by candlelight.
But let’s be honest: real life is far messier than that.
Some of the best trauma therapists I know have sat in their own therapist’s office, eyes puffy from crying, whispering, “I don’t know how to keep doing this.” Some have walked through divorce, deconstructed their faith, battled depression, or faced their own childhood wounds head-on. And for many of us, the journey through our own pain is exactly what called us into this work.
Because nothing teaches you how to sit with someone else’s pain like sitting with your own.
So no, we’re not perfect. But we are practiced. We know what it feels like to wrestle with shame, to fumble through healing, and to rebuild from the rubble. We’ve been there. And while we won’t tell you all the gritty details (because therapy isn’t about us), know that when your trauma therapist offers you compassion, grounding, or a moment to just breathe—you’re receiving the kind of support we’ve fought hard to give ourselves, too.
That doesn’t make us any less professional. It makes us more present, more attuned, and more equipped to walk beside you without judgment or agenda.
We’re Not Above the Work—We’re Always Doing It
A good trauma therapist isn’t someone who’s arrived at some mythical endpoint of healing—they’re someone who’s deeply committed to the process. Many trauma therapists (myself included) don’t just talk about self-care and inner work—we live it. That might mean leaving your session and heading straight into our own therapy appointment, where we get to be the one whose voice shakes when we say the hard thing out loud.
It means learning to regulate our nervous systems so we can help you regulate yours. It means reaching out for support when we feel stuck, questioning ourselves when imposter syndrome creeps in, and doing the kind of soul work that’s both messy and meaningful.
Because if we’re not doing our own work, we can’t hold space for yours in an honest way.
We don’t believe in the “expert from on high” model. We believe in walking alongside you—not because we’ve figured it all out, but because we’re walking, too. And while our professional training is important, so is our lived experience and our willingness to keep showing up—to the work, to you, and to ourselves.
You Don’t Need a Perfect Therapist—You Need a Real One
At the end of the day, the most powerful therapy doesn’t come from someone who floats above the chaos of life—it comes from someone who knows what it’s like to sit in it. To ache. To wrestle. To feel lost and still show up with a flicker of hope.
So if you’ve ever wondered whether your trauma therapist has it all together—rest assured, we don’t. And that’s not a flaw. It’s actually a gift.
You don’t need a perfect therapist. You need one who can meet you with compassion, not judgment. One who can hold your pain without flinching, because they’ve sat with their own. One who understands that healing isn’t linear, tidy, or Instagram-worthy—it’s real and raw and deeply human.
Therapists are people first. And just like you, we’re figuring it out one day at a time—burnt toast, awkward conversations, therapy tears, and all.
So when you’re in the room with us, know this: we’re not watching from the sidelines. We’re in the arena with you. And we believe, with our whole messy hearts, that healing is possible.
Looking for a trauma therapist in Atlanta, Georgia?
Let’s talk! I’d be happy to walk with you through your own journey.
Kristy Brewer is a therapist Atlanta offering online therapy in Georgia helping people find peace amidst the chaos. Her specialties include trauma therapy, attachment therapy for trauma within toxic relationships, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, and parents raising a traumatized child.
Request a free 15-minute phone consultation today by clicking here.
