Trauma Therapist Atlanta on Shame: Why ‘Should Statements’ Keep You Stuck
You tell yourself, “I should be further along by now. I shouldn’t feel this way. I should have figured this out already.”
Sound familiar? These “should statements” creep in quietly but land with heavy weight. Instead of motivating you, they often leave you paralyzed, ashamed, and frustrated with yourself.
As a trauma therapist in Atlanta, I’ve seen how deeply “should statements” keep people stuck. They don’t encourage growth — they reinforce shame and set impossible expectations. And the truth is, shame never creates lasting change.
What Are ‘Should Statements’?
“Should statements” are those rigid rules you place on yourself, often without even realizing it. They sound like:
“I should be over this by now.”
“I should be a better ______________.”
“I should have more money or a better job.”
At first glance, these might seem harmless — maybe even like they’ll push you to improve. But really, they’re toxic. They come loaded with judgment and shame. Instead of helping you move forward, they keep you frozen, replaying all the ways you think you’ve failed.
The Staircase of Shame
When I hear clients wrestle with “should statements,” I ask them to imagine standing at the bottom of a very long staircase. Then I ask: How would you get to the top?
Every time, the answer is the same: “One step at a time.”
Now, imagine trying to leap from the bottom all the way to the top in one jump. Even if you backed up and took a running start, you’d still fall short. That’s what “should statements” demand of you — to leap impossibly high, all at once.
And when you can’t make that leap? Shame floods in, whispering, “See? You’re not enough.”
But the truth is, no one climbs a staircase in a single bound. Real progress is one step at a time.
How Shame Keeps You Stuck
Shame has a way of pinning you to the bottom step. It convinces you that you’re failing because you haven’t arrived at the top yet. It tells you everyone else is further along, and you’re behind.
For people who carry unresolved trauma, this shame often runs even deeper. Painful past experiences can leave you believing you’re broken or unworthy. That belief fuels every “should statement,” making you feel frozen before you’ve even taken the first step.
The irony is that shame doesn’t speed you up — it slows you down. Instead of climbing, you stand at the bottom, staring up at all those steps, too weighed down to move.
Giving Yourself Permission
The antidote to “should statements” is permission. Permission to be where you are. Permission to take one small step, instead of demanding an impossible leap.
When you let go of “I should be there already,” you free yourself to start from here. From this step. From this moment.
Therapy can be a safe place to practice that kind of permission. With compassion, we untangle the shame that keeps you stuck and replace it with self-compassion, grace, and small, steady steps.
You’ll never hear me give you a “should statement.” They’re toxic, and they don’t belong in the healing process.
What Progress Really Looks Like
Healing doesn’t happen in an instant. Progress isn’t a giant leap. It looks like showing up, taking one step, then another.
Sometimes the steps feel small — getting out of bed, making a phone call, breathing through a tough moment. But each step is movement. Each step is proof that you’re not stuck forever.
Over time, those steps add up. You climb higher, gaining new perspective. You feel lighter as shame loosens its grip. And you realize — it was never about leaping to the top. It was always about giving yourself the permission and patience to climb at your own pace.
Final Thoughts
“Should statements” might sound like motivation, but in reality, they are shame in disguise. They keep you stuck at the bottom of the staircase, staring at all the steps you think you should have already climbed.
Real healing comes from compassion, patience, and taking one step at a time.
As a trauma therapist in Atlanta, I’d love to help you release the weight of shame and start climbing toward the life you deserve — not in one impossible leap, but through steady steps forward.
You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out today for a free 15-minute consultation, and let’s take the next step together.
Kristy Brewer is a therapist Atlanta offering online therapy in Georgia helping people find peace amidst the chaos. Her specialties include trauma therapy, attachment therapy for trauma within toxic relationships, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, and parents raising a traumatized child.
Request a free 15-minute phone consultation today by clicking here.
